February 1st

Today was supposed to be "weigh in" day. I didn't do it.

I'm very worried about what is going to happen when I do get on the scale. What if the number hasn't gone down? Am I going to be so disappointed AGAIN that I say "fuck it" AGAIN? It's been a month since I last looked at the scale, and I know that I'm not going to jump up there and be half my weight just because I had a good month of working out and eating well. It's taken me 32 years to get to this point, it's going to take a while to get to my goal. I know all of these things, but that number - 3 digits - has the ability to erase all rational thought from my brain.

I've seen in the news recently that it's better to weigh yourself everyday for weight management. That might be true for people who are maintaining, but for somebody like me, somebody who has a lot of weight to lose, it might be better to stay away from that scale.

I guess I'll see how I feel about it tomorrow. I mean, it's not like the scale is going to go away.